Cheney Wages Jihad on Quail! Whittington Caught In Crossfire!

Last week a whitehouse intern reportedly overheard the VP's side of a telephone conversation in which he described his upcoming weekend getaway to the Armstrong Ranch. "Those little buggers hide, you know? And there's no telling when they're going to pop out at you. Like the terrorists...they're just like the terrorists. And that Armstrong Ranch is overrun with terrorists...I mean quail. I told the boys, 'We're going to track them down to the very bush they're hiding in and we're gonna flush them out.'"

When pressed about how he managed to accidentlly shoot Whittington, Cheney dodged the question, "I will not allow my hunting buddies to be used as human shields! I will hunt down every last one of those terrorists and...I mean quail, and I will kill them."

Dick Cheney